


"Yes, Basil could have saved him."

by AnotherGayEllen



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Character Development, Character Study, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Found Family, Introspection, M/M, Sappy, They talk about the feelings and think about the past and all that act two whizzvin stuff, act two, author read one (1) old book and doesn't know how to act, but before anything bad happens, discussion of classic lit, i guess, i’m projecting the act of projecting onto characters i project on.. i am god, the portrait of dorian gray to be specific, we value chardelia in this house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29057967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherGayEllen/pseuds/AnotherGayEllen
Summary: “That’s kind of what love is about, isn’t it? People saving each other. Maybe not ‘save’ exactly but-. Help. Change each other, intentionally or not. I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t met you but I know I would be worse off."Or; A quote from a book resonates with Marvin and Whizzer more than they thought it would, and a moment of sappy honesty comes up as they make up for all the times they didn't say what they felt.
Relationships: Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 27





	"Yes, Basil could have saved him."

**Author's Note:**

> the context for the quote is that dorian has a painting that changes to show the growing darkness of his soul, and his friend basil is in love with him
> 
> k good luck

Marvin dries his hand in a piece of cloth as he steps away from the sink, having finished the dishes. Sounds of the city come in from the window of their living room in the form of the hum of moving cars, birds chirping, and far away chatter that echoes through the room, serving as white noise for the otherwise silent space. Whizzer sits comfortably with his feet up on the couch and a book in hand as he eyes the pages carefully with a focused expression. 

They have been living together for almost two months and Marvin still finds himself smiling at the sight of his lover in their apartment. Marvin was only now starting to accept they would most likely never see each other again, and he was ok with that (he learned to be ok with not getting what he wants); but as Whizzer made himself present in his life again, with so much having changed, and so much having stayed the same, Marvin was quick to realize how amazingly right it felt, how it still feels. -  Nothing ever made more sense than being with Whizzer.

Marvin’s smile widens as he recognizes the book in Whizzer’s hand. “You’re already reading Dorian Gray again?” He asks as he approaches the couch and breaks Whizzer from his trance.

Whizzer smiles as his lover approaches. “No, I’m just going through the parts I highlighted,” he explains as he eyes back and forth between the book and his boyfriend, as if undecided on which he should focus on. 

Marvin nods, a small smile on his lips. The Picture of Dorian Gray is a classic and Marvin had even read it in college, though he hadn’t picked up on the gay connotation of it until it was brought up in a conversation with Cordelia and Charlotte ( _ ‘Of course it’s gay!’ ‘It’s Oscar Wilde, dumbass,’ _ ), which made him revisit the book. It was honestly baffling to him how he’d manage to read it as straight. Sure, Dorian and Henry’s sexualities are arguable but Basil goes on and on about how attracted he is to Dorian in the first chapter, and literally confesses his love to him by the end of the book. You’d have to be deep in denial to read it as completely straight. - ...Well, that tracks.

He recommended Whizzer the book, amongst many others, after a conversation they had a while back. Whizzer had told him how he felt alienated from mainstream media because of the infinite pattern of straight romance and gay punishment, growing tired and bitter enough to give up on fiction almost entirely. Marvin understood that. He hadn’t had quite the same experience as Whizzer because of how long it took for him to accept himself as a gay man, but only seeing gay people portrayed as pure evil or cautionary tales, if ever at all, certainly didn't help.

And even as for growing up knowing you were something you didn’t see in stories he could somewhat relate to. As a Jewish kid, growing up seeing antisemitism and Christian-centric content everywhere often made him feel othered, though he tended to just bottle his feelings up and internalize them, rather than trying to deal with it in a healthy way. But at the very least he got to regularly be around Jewish people, consequently also being around some Jewish literature and cinematography, all things that made him feel more ‘normal,’ even when the world didn’t always agree. He couldn’t say the same for being gay. 

So he’s taking the matter into his own hands. Well, with a little push from Cordelia and Charlotte and the help of a lovely gay bookshop called ‘Oscar Wilde Memorial Bookshop.’ Marvin never finished books so fast. He felt a little bit like a child, wide-eyed, seeing a whole new world for the first time. It’s comforting in a way he can’t really explain, opening a book to find a character expressing love for a person of their gender, or to even use the word ‘gay’ to refer to themselves - it’s therapeutic, as stupid as that sounds. And he thought maybe Whizzer would feel that way, too. Whizzer never finished books so fast.

Breaking out of his long-winded train of thought, Marvin looks over Whizzer’s shoulder, attempting to read what’s highlighted on the page but struggling without his recently prescribed reading glasses.  _ God, he’s getting old. _

Whizzer holds back laughter at seeing Marvin squinting at the page, and intervenes. “It’s one of my favorite quotes,” he explains. Whizzer proceeds to change his tone to a smooth, almost theatrical reciting voice. “‘He shuddered, and for a moment he regretted that he had not told Basil the true reason why he had wished to hide the picture away. Basil would have helped him to resist Lord Henry's influence, and the still more poisonous influences that came from his own temperament. The love that he bore him—for it really was love—had nothing in it that was not noble and intellectual. It was not that mere physical admiration of beauty that is born of the senses and that dies when the senses tire. It was such love as Michelangelo had known, and Montaigne, and Winckelmann, and Shakespeare himself. Yes, Basil could have saved him.’”

Whizzer seems fond of the words recited and lets them linger in the air; and it truly is beautiful, a little heartwarming, even, the way another man’s love for Dorian is described as pure, a saving grace for Dorian’s character, but still - something doesn’t sit quite right with Marvin. He thinks back to his own reading of the book and realizes he didn’t feel the same way about it two years ago as he does now. “It’s a good quote, but I don’t think I really agree with it.” He folds his arms across his chest and Whizzer looks up at him. “The idea that Basil could have ‘saved him’ somehow... It reminds me of those movies where a really shitty guy gets with a perfect girl who has to ‘fix’ him, you know? Like Basil would have the responsibility to love him enough as to single-handedly fix Dorian’s mistakes and make him a better person, instead of Dorian himself taking responsibility for his actions and making an effort to be better.”

Whizzer hums as he smiles to himself. “Interesting.” He’s sure that the parallel between that particular quote and interpretation, and their own experiences, doesn’t fly over Marvin’s head. Life does imitate art, after all. “And you’re not wrong -, but that’s not how I took it. I read it more as if… if Dorian had asked for help.” He looks back at Marvin, who tilts his head slightly. “At this point in the book he was scared -, of what people, including Basil, would think if they saw his worst flaws and mistakes reflected in the painting, of never being able to undo and make things right again. If he told Basil, his friend and the man he knew he _ could  _ love, he knows Basil could have helped him…” Whizzer’s fast-paced talking starts to slow down. “Could have listened and shown him compassion and just- helped him overcome his fears and flaws, and better himself. Showed support. But that would have taken being vulnerable. Let Basil see the worst in him, the things he was ashamed of. And he was scared of that, too.” Whizzer glances at Marvin carefully, hyper-aware of how personal his words are. It doesn’t  _ quite _ fit, but it’s close, really close. “Maybe if he allowed himself to really be seen, to be loved by the right people, and in return love and listen to them… That’s what could have saved him.”

As he finishes talking, Whizzer knows what doesn’t fit. The fatal flaw is that they had both been Dorian and neither Basil. Both far too proud and scared to ask for help or to offer it. Truth is, if any of them had been truly vulnerable with each other back then, the response would possibly justify their hesitancy in doing so in the first place. At least in Whizzer’s case he knows it’s true. He’d have been too wary, too unwilling to care, too protective of himself, to have helped Marvin if he had the chance. And in asking for help, he’d be afraid Marvin would misunderstand him, that he’d feel attacked, or use it against him eventually in one of their endless fights - and though he doesn’t like to say it now that Marvin has changed so much, he knows he’d be right.

And as he finishes that thought, Whizzer wonders what the fuck happened to him that he’s talking all poetic and deep all of the sudden.

Marvin places a hand on the backside of Whizzer’s head, traveling down to gently squeeze his earlobe between his fingers. “I like your interpretation too,” he says softly.

He realizes maybe it was Marvin what happened to him.

Whizzer looks at him and sees the gentleness in his face, and feels himself melting. Back then, they couldn’t have helped each other. They were too stubborn, too unwilling to change. Marvin had to hit rock bottom before being able to understand the seriousness of his actions, and Whizzer had to lose the thing he refused to want, to admit that he wanted it. No, they couldn’t have helped each other then. But they can now.

Whizzer takes his hand and places a kiss on top of it, holding his hand in his and letting his thumb run across his skin. He can’t believe he avoided holding hands before, Marvin’s hand fits so perfectly in his. If you had told Whizzer three years ago how domestic and how glad for it he’d become, he would have laughed. He feels incredibly thankful for time. 

“I can’t believe I’m sitting around discussing classic literature,” Whizzer comments, a little baffled. “This is your fault, you made me read books and now I’m old.”

Marvin laughs, which makes Whizzer smile. “At least they’re gay books.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to the side of his head, moving to go around the couch and sit next to him, pulling his legs to rest on his lap.

Whizzer grins.  _ He never used to use that word so freely before _ .

Marvin rests his hands on Whizzer’s ankle, caressing it absent-mindedly. The book is far from perfect, being still, unfortunately, a product of the 1800s, but it really is remarkably gay. If there was any doubt that Basil’s confession was one of romantic love, comparing him to Shakespeare just about does it. 

He stares ahead for a second before looking at Whizzer with an impressed look. “I can’t believe I hadn’t realized how gay it is when I first read it.” 

“It’s  _ so  _ gay! It's insane you didn’t notice until now,” Whizzer agrees excitedly, closing the book over his finger with his free hand. “Thank God for Charlotte and Cordelia managing to knock some sense into you. I don't know what you’d have done without them,” Whizzer is half-joking, but Marvin sees a lot of truth in the statement.

“Neither do I,” he admits with a small smile. 

Charlotte and Cordelia’s friendship had been more important to Marvin than he ever could have imagined. Having people he could truly trust and count on, made a world of difference when he was trying to change and find his footing; and simply being around queer people that are so well-adjusted and involved in the community, and that got him involved too, got him a long way in terms of self-acceptance. He feels so much happier with himself and he’s come so far, and he doesn’t think he could have done it without their help, love, and support.

Marvin smiles softly to himself before looking at Whizzer. “I guess they kind of saved me.”

Whizzer returns the smile quietly, pondering for a second. “That’s kind of what love is about, isn’t it? People saving each other. Maybe not ‘save’ exactly but-. Help. Change each other, intentionally or not. I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t met you but I know I would be worse off. - I feel like just knowing you made me change. And what we have now, I-...” He shakes his head with a smile, a little unbelieving. “I never had anything like it. I feel like the better version of myself when you’re around. Now, the exact opposite of how it was the first time,” he huffs out a laugh, thinking of how terrible they made each other. But he doesn’t want to focus on the past. “Having you, and Jason, and Cordelia, and Charlotte, and everybody; feeling this loved - it makes me the happiest I’ve ever been.” He stares down, fidgeting lightly with the book in his hand. He still feels his heart beat faster when he finds himself being honest. “So, I’d consider that a saving.” 

Marvin is speechless. His heart swells with love for the man in front of him, the kind, beautiful, amazing man in front of him, and he feels a lump in his throat, threatening to bubble over into tears. It’s not sadness, and he doesn’t even know if he’d call it happiness, it’s just- too much  _ emotion _ overall. Love, perhaps. He wouldn’t be that surprised if he were to cry from love for Whizzer -, he has become that sappy and emotional as of lately. He likes it that way.

The silence catches up to Whizzer and he has the impulse to take his words back. “Fuck, that was sappy,” he half-jokes anxiously, looking away in embarrassment.

“No, no,” Marvin reaches out, moving closer to Whizzer as his legs are still on his lap. “It was- it was perfect.” He smiles, and sheepishly Whizzer smiles back. Marvin looks down. “I don’t- I’m not good with words. But Whizzer… I love you  _ so _ much. It’s a little scary, actually.” Both of them laugh briefly. “I didn’t know what to do after we broke up, but I just- I knew I had completely screwed things up with the person I loved the most, - apart from Jason - and I thought I might never get over it. Just how much I loved you and how much I hurt you. That you’re here right now and that you feel the way you do, you- you can’t imagine how happy it makes me. If someone as amazing as you, loves me that much - I must have done something right.” Marvin looks up at him and the same feeling of overwhelming love fills his chest; he doubts it’ll ever fade away. Whizzer changed his life.

“And you talk about how I changed you when- you know you completely turned my life around Whizzer. You _ were _ the turning point of my life, I was - completely lost, and miserable and… I don’t know where I’d be without you. But I know I wouldn’t be nearly as happy as I am now.” 

Whizzer nods timidly, and he wonders. “Do you think you’d still be married?”

“I don’t know,” he answers earnestly, and his face starts to drop a little at the subject. “Looking back it’s kind of hard to believe I stayed married for so long, considering how unhappy it made me. - But I was really scared. If I hadn’t loved someone the way I love you, I might have never left. And I think if it weren’t you, it wouldn’t have been anyone else,” he smiles slightly. “I can’t see myself feeling the way I do for anyone else. Loving you _ literally _ saved me, Whizzer.” 

Whizzer can’t help but smile. He doesn't know how to describe what he feels. He can’t say he hasn’t caused divorces before - but not like this. The other times had been accidents, getting caught. It could make him feel somewhat important at times, like he impacted someone's life, for better or worse, but it wasn’t real -, it could have been any other guy that not Whizzer. Marvin and Whizzer did get caught, but Trina still gave Marvin a choice. He had a choice and he chose Whizzer. Actually chose _ him, _ to be with him.  _ ‘If I hadn’t loved someone the way I love you, I might have never left.’  _ It’s hard to believe he means that much to someone. He doesn’t really see himself as all that remarkable, not when he strips all his defenses away, not when it’s just… Him. And yet. 

Marvin looks at him with a dumb smile. “Also you’re really, really smart, did you know that?”

Whizzer blushes, as he realizes he’s been doing for a while. He lays the book on the arm of the couch and moves forward so that he can near his face to Marvin’s. “Oh, would you happen to like that in a man, perhaps?” He asks with a teasing voice.

Marvin smiles widely. “I just happen to love it.” He closes the space between them with a life-saving kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> this is peak nonsense. is it about the effects of representation in minorities? is it about the evolution of whizzvin’s relationship? is it about tgp thesis ‘people improve when they get external love and support, how can we hold it against them when they don’t’? your guess is as good as mine. sorry for that. it's also a little inspired by a pretty gay conversation me and my friend had the other day, you know how lesbians are. 
> 
> oh and can you tell I'm desperately trying to live up to my last fic bc it was slightly more well-received?
> 
> i have like paragraphs of ending notes for this below here in the google doc i’m writing on but fuck it who cares, just leave a kudos and maybe a comment and i’ll owe you my life <3 see ya next month


End file.
